Okay this update is gonna be a really emo one, I'm sorry for that but blogger is by far one of the best channels for me to express myself.

Today has got to be the toughest day I've ever faced in my life thus far. Just yesterday, I thought I could numb the hurt, numb the pain that I was(and still am) experiencing and lead my life as per normal. I thought yesterday's ordeal was gonna be the last one that I have to fight my way through, the A levels aside, that is.

But I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

School was terrible today. Received H2 Lit results and I broke down.. in the classroom, in front of everyone. My closest friends should know that I don't usually allow myself to cry in school, and I don't cry over bad grades. Sure, I let a teardrop or two fall upon receiving my O levels result slip back then, but 2 drops and that was it. Today, I actually lost control of my emotions.. lost complete control of it. Really sucks to know that almost everyone else was doing so well, and much better, whereas I've been doing worse and worse for Lit... and this time round, I barely passed. Majority got As and Bs. For the first time ever I really, truly, deeply felt stupid.

But that wasn't the only reason why I couldn't control the tears. I think those tears have already been at a stand-by at my tear ducts since what happened yesterday, just that I didn't allow them to flow. I thought I could hold them there... And I'm pretty sure I could have, if not for my Lit results which turned on that switch to my tear ducts. It was like the catalyst which induced everything. And that was it. I couldn't stop, I really couldn't stop crying, however hard I tried. Terrible, terrible moment.

Regained my composure after about an hour, all credits to my friends. It feels really great to know that there are people who still care. Thanks Nita, Li Ling, Leon and Mabel for being there for me. I really appreciate it.

Since I'm on this topic, let me also take this chance to thank my closest friends - those whom I normally pour out everything to - Jerlyn, Daisy and Jun Hong. You guys are really the best of the best of the best. Thanks for listening, thanks for all your help. I don't have to say much, cause you know what I mean.

Right, so anyway. I reached home today feeling slightly cheered up, but my happiness was short-lived. Yes, a third blow. You know how people always say, "... and my world came crashing down"? Cliche, I know, but that's exactly my sentiments now. 3 strong blows in a row is not exactly what any Tom, Dick or Harry would expect to receive, to endure. And since I'm only human, I'm of no exception.

And A levels is in exactly 7 weeks time.

I feel so helpless. So many things on my mind now. But I really hope that my mental strength, my willpower is strong enough for me to survive all these shit. I really don't wanna screw my As.

Sigh.

For those who are concerned, thanks for taking your time to read, thanks for all your care and everything. I'm surprised to know that even a primary school friend whom I've not seen for 6 years actually sent a message to me through FB, telling me that I'm not alone. You know, it's times like this when you really see who are the friends worth cherishing.

I know that this post has been really vague and all, and most of you won't even know what I'm actually going through, what really happened. I know you guys care, and I'm super grateful, but please don't press me to tell you anything else. If I'm willing to share with you, I definitely will. But if I'm not... please understand. I have my reasons.

Don't worry guys, I'm still quite strong and I believe I'm not at the losing end of this battle yet.

When life gives you lemons, make pink lemonade.
When you fall down, get back up.

And that's exactly what I will do.